she dogged my steps today
down all the winding paths of depths and of height
she waited to have her say
i remember the girl who called her friend at some ungodly hour in the am, sick with fear and worry, trying to get her to find out if he was ok. and he was, then, but it wasn't enough. not nearly enough, in the long run.
it's not like i don't know how futile gestures are, but some rituals are important. to paraphrase an eisenic quote (no, i didn't manage to find it in the end-- sorry! :S)-- we shouldn't be trapped by our histories, but nothing stops us from learning from our past.
and so i learn, or learnt: being concerned is not enough. sometimes we have to act on that concern-- act more, as it were. kind of explains the person i am today. far better be it to fall than never to have tried to fly at all-- or to have let even one other person fall.
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on monday i heard a song at 4am after skyping random ang and her pet monkey (who has incidentally the BLUEST eyes, ever) and froze. i didn't sleep the rest of the night.
Oh there's no comprehending and who am i to try to judge or explain
But I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasnt worth the fight
They were wrong
They lied
Now you're gone and we cry
Its just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song
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tbg was pretty good fun if a little long; yuko fangirled like MAD next to me the whole night, and i can safely say i outdid her only when yokoi took the stage hurhur. fairly successful eyeballing of her sugarrrr though. ellen got cold halfway through the performance-- as did soozey, but he had the benefit of his gray hoodie and so went about looking like a serial killer the rest of the night-- so she got to experience the magical properties of my thinner-than-paper-but-warmer-than-wool jacket-vest-thingy. it looks and feels like it fell from the luggage of scheherezade as she made her way to her marbled prisons of the arabian palaces, and thus small wonder that such unnatural properties may be ascribed to it. i nearly burned to death in it walking home (beautiful cloudy yellow crescent!).
the hongkong and japanese teams were very good-- yuko christened the former "the sfb of HK" (hot hot hot) and wco converted even me for a few minutes to marvel at popping and locking-- never my favourite genres. a little uncomfortable with how closely sfb's click, click, click routine mirrored nick demoura's, but well if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... and anyway they were good :), and i thought the ending MJ banner was a VERY very very nice touch. cool mint is insane and insanely popular. hearts o crew for the incredible amount of effort they put in, and thinks gin is beyond spectacular. danz people's piece REALLY stood out-- it's just so incredibly different from so many of the other items. overdose of popping and locking, really.
p.s. yuko seems happy with her present :):):) and to suntec i shall journey to check out wildhibiscus! soon. before work starts )(^%$##$%^*&%$#@
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finally booked and paid for sweden tickets; dad thinks i'm mad because i insist on going for a last blast class before dashing to the airport, but his argument completely supports my point: "(i'll) be away for the next six months!" suddenly everything seems a whole lot more concrete now that we've shelled out 6k for the stupid tickets (yes, despite the most epic of arguments this house has seen for a lonnggg while both my parents are now sweden-bound as well. i gave in just so i could get back to reading my book in peace and quiet). in a way actually i am glad that they are going with me even though i think it's a humongous waste of money. i get homesick on 3-day-2-night camps-- i shudder to think of what the first week in uppsala is going to be like.
leaving more than i know behind.
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woke from a dream this morning that i remember only in scraps and pieces. i was happy asleep-- very happy; but when i awoke i was more confused than ever.
i'll keep a part of you with me
and everywhere i go there you'll be
ok off to readddddd. ayg ayg ayg! big groove was inspiring, as thomas said-- the only sense he made all night HAHAHA :P (seriously SPIDER SENSE. and whatever else he was crapping about at the expo. eurgh)-- and the first place to use that inspiration shall be none other than ayg. hurhur.