a tad vitriolic? maybe. but i have had it up to here with all the speculation about wh and me. today krystal messaged me after i met her at tanah merah (she'd just sent her bf off at the airport. that is how sweet k haha she stays in BOON LAY) and in the midst of it all told me a "secret"-- basically that the chi high boys had met up and concluded that i secretly liked wh or something. you'd think i'd have gotten used to it, but i can't help but wonder if this time-- well, was that why he acted so strangely at the airport? i would hate for a perfectly decent friendship to go awry and awkward because of such nonsense. honestly, as i told lynette over a (very) late lunch at quiznos (sorry!! :S:S i HATE being late i have to change this around somehow man), life would really be a heck of a lot simpler if a whole bunch of us were just not straight.
i've written this before-- "is it uncool to be passionate about things? if that's the case, then let me be damn hot-- in every sense of the word." i think i carry that passion across into as many aspects of my life as i can, and it's all for the good in some areas. but passion for living can so easily be mistaken as desperation or-- well, just misconstrued.
don't get me wrong, i'm not directing this at anyone in particular-- and definitely not at kelvin whom i think is seriously one of the few guys who's given me a very good impression even though i've only met him like twice (doesn't hurt that his gf is one heck of a wonderful friend :):)). but maybe it's just a thought of not being so quick to assume sometimes? i made that mistake recently and regretted it horribly because i unintentionally and indirectly hurt people whom i don't want to hurt. and so this reminder goes out as much to me as to anyone who bothers to read the lengthy rambles on this blog.
so come on, give me a break-- or not, i don't really care. i'm not going to live my life on anyone else's terms and-- unless you're someone i care about, your views and ideas of whatever i'm doing mean less than nothing to me. and if you knew what i do then the entire idea of me secretly carrying a bleedin' desperate torch for wh is so bleedin' ludicrous i don't even know where to begin. trust me, if i liked you like that you would know it, in no uncertain terms. i learnt too long ago that i'm not good at playing games with the people i truly care for, so i try my best never to play them.
every single girl's anthem (ni! this is that song i told you about at parkway hahah)
I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole
this is my current single status
my declaration of independence
there's no way i'm tradin' places
right now a star's in the ascendant
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
sheesh okay it's kind of an embarassingly, overtly feminist-independence song, but HEY it's natasha bedingfield (adored her ever since i heard angel and pocketful of sunshine, although love like this and i wanna have your babies were great sources of doubt and omg-you-cannot-be-serious pondering). and its overwroughtness probably characterises the extremes to which i swing.
today was a wonderful day, and made even more lovely because of all the friends' smiles i had surrounding me-- and really i'm not mad at all, i just wanted to get a few thoughts out of my head (i think i need a pensieve, like dumbledore). i love how a simple smile transforms even the most plebian of nights into magical medleys, like my walk back home after meeting krystal for about three minutes at tanah merah. VERY PRETTY she's got oodles of style and i want to rock a hot pink and black ensemble like she does without looking like i'm trying too hard, but i think i'll never make it man;--
but i really, really hate how even though i passed krystal my copy of kazuo ishiguro's never let me go (as much to keep her company on the hour-long-train ride home as to make sure i didn't stay up till three again reading it, like i did last night knowing full well i was supposed to meet lily lee at bedok res at 8), i am still up now. ayg prac's at 8.15