i think it was-- a very striking moment, though-- when one of the audience members challenged the law team and said, "so, you're all going to be robin hoods in future?" and zhengxi raised his hand and then saluted. because it's the truth. and then it brought home to me the whole point that maybe this debate wasn't just all about fun and steel-fist-in-silk-glove jesting. they actually DID feel for these points-- well, some of them. i'm pretty sure some of the rest were jests. HAHA.
"i'm going to tell you a secret about david. david, here, failed anatomy in year one! woul you want to go to a bunch of doctors who failed anatomy and pay so much?"
med speaker: "blah blah and as we can see from Ally McBeal--"
amytan: "omg she just totally destroyed her entire argument"
med speaker: "and don't pretend you don't watch plenty of Gray's too!"
law won, eventually, although at points i think it threatened to get acrid. but medicine won the challenge shield la. and best speaker. but the girl really was good; although i have to say, vishal was pretty damn impressive too.
i'm glad i went, in the end. in more ways than one. and i got to spend time with mabel :)
and the bus ride home was good. not long enough-- i shld have taken 10, i needed the 1h45mins to think. or just-- just dream, and remember.
suddenly-- for no good reason (maybe cos i reread my senior's email, the one that... well. exorcised my ghosts, so to speak)-- i thought, "it's nearing 14th feb".
the last time i saw him. him, as he was. before march 6th 2006.
which brings to mind-- ice cream and revelations. some weeks ago-- ok, actually just last week-- i met up with lennon and went to venezia for ice-cream so that he could fulfill his ny resolution-- to return stuff he borrowed i.e. my animatrix cd from long long long ago. er. hahaha i totally got lost and he had to come pick me up la. omg. ok, sorry, i just NEVER went to venezia in all my hc years!!! argh and it was raining too.
but free ice cream. hehe. yummilicious! i like lemon sorbet.
frivolity aside. one of the things we were talking about-- he asked me if i knew a david from his year, who'd been a councillor as well. i was clueless-- then he said maf chairperson. i didn't recall his facial features-- but in the end it turned out that he was the same councillor that mrs ang had put up a posting about on facebook, the one who had died of colon cancer on 27th october. the mood turned so sombre. lennon said what he'd admired most about david was that he fought all the way to the end, that there was never a moment when he'd given up, that he was strong, that he refused to show weakness.
and-- i just thought of-- well.
is killing yourself a form of escapism? a coward's act? a refusal to face up to reality, a sign of weakness? in comparison to david, maybe jon and ishi would have seemed... wanting. but i cannot help but remember a poem i read some time ago-- i don't rmemeber its exact words, but its gist is not to hate the person because he chose death instead of pointless pain. all life is precious; all choices in that life are... well. all choices regarding whatever they do with that life-- i have to say, none of those choices will appear weak to me.
i'm not putting this well. but i'm trying to say that-- hmms. maybe-- maybe don't think less of someone because they choose a way that some may call an "easy escape". little in life is ever easy, and i think their struggles were just as painful, just as agonised, just as brave.
703 days and counting.
i think it's time you let me know
i'm just your latest mistake