if my heart wasn't split up in pieces all over singapore; if a piece wasn't hidden in the folds of the cfa studio curtains; if another wasn't spinning about the high ceilings of ucc; if a shard wasn't in as7, or a fragment in rh studio, or scattered piecemeal over the entire cityhall-dhobyghaut area-- a shred in studio wu, another in danzpeople, et cetera.
pretty much the only reason i feel down nowadays is because of dance, or because i'm missing it. and that is so ironic, because dance used to be-- IS-- my greatest joy, my raison d'etre.
but oh my god i miss properly dancing so, so much. jinglin was right-- i always thought that any sort of dance school at all SHOULD have something for anyone to learn, and i'd be able to get my dance fix anyway. and it is true, i HAVE things i can learn. but now i understand what the random one meant by "not good", or "not the same". there's just no satisfaction; after three classes today i found myself walking outside in the rain completely depressed.
starved, my hunger swallows me whole, whole, whole.
i really wish the swedish shops or radios or whatever would stop playing songs that i've learnt choreography to. it just makes me feel even worse.
but other than that everything is fine. my parents flew back today-- they should still be on the plane now. my room already looks like a tornado hit it. time to clean up.