you'll do best without me
i'll let it go, girl
it's over
but before we say goodbye
let's just give it a try
so glad i stayed for open studio on monday despite feeling like i was ready to collapse after too many days of insufficient sleep-- one week's of work, friday's of too-keyed-up-after-12.30am-run-to-sleep, saturday's of too-scared-about-sunday's-10k and sunday's reach-home-at-one-plus-after-busking. i like the song so, so much. and the choreo. and the very different styles but very awesome way cs and rozana danced it AHHHH.
it's been a good time because i've kept busy. had dinner for the first time in a long while with family on saturday (pics to come!), and sunday i FINALLY finally finally ran my first 10k under an hour (just barely). but the route was new and since i'd completely NOT trained i held back a lot and at the end i was elated that i'd finished under an hour but FURIOUS because i wasn't panting. AT ALL. actually i really think the route was definitely shorter than 10k. whatever. next target <55mins. (which means i'd better run my ass off in sweden and learn to like running in -25C temperatures).
sunday's busking threw up this nugget courtesy of wilkson: "there are an infinite number of doors. science sees only the open ones; religion stays behind the closed ones. who's to say who's right and who's wrong?"
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i don't need time or space or a moment to breathe.
because i need to give and give until there is nothing left.
because i need-- need-- to just keep on going; just dance and dance and dance and run and work, even, cram 48 hours into 24, and not stop to think.
because the moment i start to think i think too much, and then it's a vicious downward spiral. and each time i never know if i'm going to pull out before i wipe out or just crash.
i want to have no time to eat and too little sleep and twenty-one thousand things that i have to do by yesterday.
kicking myself for not having booked and gone for trinity's class cos i thought i might need a break from dance, only to discover that in my book maybe there is no such thing as too much dance. too much distance to cover; it's daunting, it's scary, but i'm going to treasure it while i can that some things are just too good to last-- and dance may just be one of them. it's like-- i was talking to my mentor today, and she apparently used to be a sailor (you wouldn't think that from looking at her now she's so slight and fair). when you start working the things that used to drive your night and day and every waking and sleeping moment may just have to... make way.
carpe diem.
courtesy of someone who said this somehow made him think of me (?! i only wish!):
"with your daggers and your knives you carve little verses all over unsuspecting hearts."
maybe it's just our own hearts we all set out to carve up.