through an open window
Cracked his chest open
to reveal his heart
still skeptic of my intentions
he made me swear
that I would always be there
I will always be here
Oh I’m in love
Again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight
I climbed upon his shoulders
And laughed until I cried
The view and I collide
To see this through his eyes
We never looked so pretty
Never seemed so real
I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel
Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight
So I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel
Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight
I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight
I’ll hold on tight (2x)
-- Maria Mena, I'm In Love
today-- yesterday, friday, whatever-- was mad. having discovered at something like 11pm on thursday night that i'd happily typed in a 1.5k-word-long chunk about the judiciary into my pathetically battered essay that had zero relevance whatsoever to the two-page-long question that i'd either i) misremembered or ii) neglected to full appreciate in all its stultifying mystique. in any case i more or less rewrote my entire essay in something like 9 hours. you can imagine i wasn't exactly in the best of conditions to come up with the loveliest arguments-- i banned msn, threw my phone in a corner and resorted to facebook and serial blogging to let off steam (since these wouldn't interfere with my agonising too actively!).
it was horrible-- i barely managed to cobble together something remotely coherent by 2.15pm (i fell asleep in between :( ), whereupon i gave up trying to pummel my citations into mcgill-approved standard and showered and changed in record time (i was out of the house by 2.35). and no, xf if you're wondering i didn't stop to do makeup or sth haha i was BEYOND late (admittedly i ah reorganised my look in the car, LATER. after everything below la).
dragged my very sleepy and self-sacrificing sister who had luckily not blown up at me after i imploded repeatedly (and who also in the car read through my scanty paper that i'd had no chance to proofread at all), reassured my dad that i would drive safely and then proceeded to speed all the way to school. arrived one minute after three for blast comm interview which finished rather awkwardly at close to 3.30-- i walked decorously out of the room and broke into a run as soon as i hit the sunshiney pavement-- thank goodness for wedges rather than stilettos. drove back to bukit timah with only one near-mishap involving a taxi and arrived at the student counter with three minutes to spare before assignment deadline.
good. god. by then i should have dropped dead, but instead i felt free and almost almost high for the first time in days and days and days. alright, i tell a lie-- i practically danced back to my car. it was like a complete weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and i could breathe free. TGIF!
seriously, though-- WHAT recess week???
alright-- i did have lots of fun on wednesday. pat's adidas choreo was freaking fun to do seriously how could anyone not want to buy adidas after it? hohoh :D but it was so interesting watching all the VERY very different takes each person had on it-- claudine's explosive energy (which i still can't get enough of-- i really think it's damn nice haha *sticks tongue out at a certain someone!*), eva's groove (i really really liked her strumming!), ahmad's-- whatever-it-was hhaa he's always indefinable! his ahmadness heh and fred's fredness also. seriously they all looked so different-- but they all looked EXTREMELY good doing the choreo! :D i like i like i like. AND YES i know krystal liked ALOT hahaha she was practically melting HEEHEE. claudine was like "Eh calm down ok? calm down".
erwin and jooteng however were COMPLETELY in sync la. like what andy said of one of the teams at the funka semis-- they'd synced their groove, which is seriously one of the hardest things to do. :):)
AND HAHA we finally got to see a live demo of "picking up hats in character", courtesy of PINK DIAMOND-- eva's hot pink cap fell off at the five-and-six or eighth count while they were demo-ing and she kicked it out of the way, but it slid forward towards the mirror JUST a few counts before the "we make a great pair, my adidas and me" end, whereupon jooteng swooped upon the cap, clapped it on his head and POSED. just in time to catch the final count.
STANDING OVATION WORTHY.
and perhaps inspired by that, when one of the groups did their turns at the end of "we make a great pair my adidas and me" about seventy pairs of shoes came sailing through the air at them. HEE.
class is really damn damn damn fun i can't believe next week's going to be the last one already :( i'm going to miss blast SO MUCH. admittedly there's the promise of the asean yog performance but i don't know when that's going to be, and eurgh i'm deathly afraid it'll clash with internships and everything (which i STILL have not applied for). can't imagine how i'm going to survive next sem-- seriously one of my biggest no-go factors for exchange was missing class for one entire sem. (jinglin tells me i'm mad: i'm inclined to agree, but to quote the bard-- "it is sweet madness, glorious sadness that brings me to my knees" [no, it wasn't just a sarah mclachlan lyric apparently]).
i guess another downside about exchange now is that it more or less completely screwed up (like i didn't do that enough already during the interview haha i was so nervous and plain cranky from lack of sleep and too much coffee powder) whatever vestigial chances i had of getting into blast comm. my starting point in running was basically about wanting to step-up-step-out and actually try and give something back to something that has given so much meaning to me, and the end result never should have mattered because it was what that act personally meant to me tha truly mattered in the end. but the taste of rejection however expectantly embraced is always bitter, no?
my sister thinks i'm mad too; when i got back in the car (before sprinting out of school for school hur hur) and groaned that maybe exchange was a humongous mistake after all she gave me a mildly-evil (not practise-my-mwahaha-laugh-evil evil, you know) look and asked me if i was crazy.
but i felt quite down even after the high of handing in damnable public law, and even retail therapy did absolutely nothing to cheer me up UNTIL some time later HEH. everything was just quite quite dreary, except for the parts where we practised rhonda byrne's Secret (the law of attraction thing) and found that HOLY GODS it works. i'm serious. basically (i'm stealing from my sis' blog):
my co-worker dawn was telling me today about this film-documentary called "the secret" which is based on a self-help book of the same name. the idea behind it is really cool -- it's basically something like ask and you shall receive. but it's not another preachy religious book or anything. you're supposed to think positive thoughts in order to attract positive events and happenings to you, and that's known as the "law of attraction".
stuck in a parking lot CHOCK full of waiting cars and no spots...
i said: "i will get a parking spot within... ONE MINUTE."
mich: "*frowns* it doesn't work that way la! you've got to make it humanly possible."
me: "it is what."
mich:"the person still has to walk here and--"
*beep beep*
me: "OH MY GOD IT IS ONE MINUTE."
but we couldn't find the secret book in borders (yes it really is secret) and since i was starving (i'd had zero time to eat that day except before 6am, which to me still means yesterday haha) and my sister was equally famished, having believed that ONE packet of guo tiao gan passes for breakfast and lunch, we headed off for food glorious food. if anyone is ever in the vicinity of the shaw isetan market BUY THE DORIYAKI. or whatever it is. seriously all the other fish-shaped pancakey things have NOTHING on it. xf would have loved this :(
then we headed off to far east where we got her cosplay outfit and a very decent bolero-ish thingy and i was told that 30bucks would be all it would take to resuscitate my dead shrekkie-specs (which i'd arrived home on wednesday-night-thursday-morning to find smashed in the middle of the floor, with nary a soul willing to admit to the nefarious deed). whee. but until it's fixed i'm stuck wearing my contact lenses and being blind for about 12 hours a day.
THEN retail therapy finally worked its magic on me and so i finally snapped out of my blue funk in plaza singapura and bought heaps of scandals that had my sister looking "appropriately scandalised"(haha ning!). haha. COTTON ON has a SALE! so happy was i to be deriving pleasure from spending (and of course stimulating the retail industry which is in danger of losing 20000 jobs) that i even bought their recyclable bag which i found very pretty indeed. because my phone is not cooperating the pic must stay hidden for now :( (oh yes people my phone is malfunctioning please email/fb me in addition to calling/smsing if possible because the bloody sony ericsson is being a retard). had sushi and then proceeded to buy this strange black nose pack thing that my sister had found on some spree site.
back to the car and my sister's cookbooks from borders; and then home, home, home.
i stepped out after dinner to the park and wound myself around a swing, staring into the still windless night and swinging till i was dizzy. my player provided the insulation from the world i needed at that point-- away from work, from random worries and strange strangers singing at me in the middle of nowhere (YES there was this bunch of WEIRD dudes who did that while i was bounding off to the park. i mean like whaaaat). anything from twenty minutes to half an hour later i hopped off the swing and turned around to find my father creeping up on me and my mum sitting on a bench behind the swings. HAHA wth la. apparently convinced i'd
i) been sneaking out to rendezvous with some playa
ii) get robbed and murdered
iii) be possessed by some ghost (yes this is the park which always freaks me out when i run past it any time after 8 or 9 pm. but hey face your fears ya)
they'd come out to find me and sat behind me for about 10 minutes, concluding that people would have thought i was the ghost instead because i'd left my hair untied, was wearing a black shirt and my long long peasant skirt (you can't see my legs then. HEH)
mum: "lucky your skirt has some colour. otherwise some long-haired female on a swing going eeeee.....yiiikkkk.... eee.... yikkkkkk...."
hurhur.
a nameless melancholy grips me, but i suspect i know its source: my very own ides of march, just 12 days earlier. it sounds stupid, i know, but i just realised-- as in, fully acknowledged-- that february is only twenty-eight days long, and 3rd of march approaches.
it's been three years.
march never fails to feel darker and bleaker; spring's colours are muted or incongruous, winds are sharper, rains more poignant, nights imbued with a sense of presence and absence all at once.
march for me will forever be a month of white roses against cream-paper-and-black-lettered-names, of letters i've written never meaning to send.
i <3 my sister. she listened to me emo half the way home AND she's an incipient domestic goddess:) yes you weird little sock-freak hahahaha. i'm telling you, the socks were PRETTY.