haha. let's start with today.
i wasn't exactly looking forward to today; more or less the first valentine's day i'd be spending alone since it's the first time all the creatures are completely unavailable-- aussie, us, or boyfriending. (and even aussie and us are boyfriending hahaha). so no one to buy flowers for, or have a yummilicious dinner with, or to walk the lines of the singapore river with, dreaming and drinking in the ambrosia of city nights. in fact (whoa this goes back damn long ago)-- and this is probably positive-- no one to go shopping for either. HAHA er converse shirts and crazy stuffed dogs anyone. OMG whatever possessed us? or me, to be exact, since my partner-in-crime-- you know who you are haha :P-- had a valid reason?
but it didn't turn out as bad as i thought it might; following the poet's words i "moved from lonely to alone" and didn't really feel the sting of not having the creatures with me instead. on the contrary-- i sent them all online valentines :) (emcc after effects la-- no flowers this time!), met up with jin for a souperlicious brunch-that-turned-into-lunch, set myself on fire (ok, watched in horror as the masseuse set me on fire) and then headed back to bugis with my sister for uzumaki and very yummy avocado sushi (thanks for the recommendation xf!) and shopppppping. went home more or less broke again but with the happy satisfaction of new shirts (but one doesn't fit! :() and table water crackers and dried mango (haha jinglin!).
all in all a good day. thank you darling kazua for your very sweet valentine and all the candy hearts and chocs! i owe you potato wedges or at least a cheese fondue (yes! it was right next to soup spoon! haha).
and so vday turned out to be more or less pleasant rather than bleak, with jokes about happy S.A.D. and much love from all around. i think i was happier for once, when i didn't have to think too much about the whole raison d'etre of vday.
maybe i'm being disingenuous, but-- there's always stuff i want to say but cannot. because some things are buried too deep to even be secrets, which have the option of being kept or told; other things you simply don't tell or even write about because they might hurt someone else. and even if that person has hurt you, two wrongs don't make a right.
yes, i'm trying to fulfill this semi-resolution i made to stop being such an uber bitch. unfortunately it usually doesn't work-- like when i discovered the scratches some wandering asshole had made over the hood of my car with his (*&^%$# keys and promptly cursed eighteen generations of his ancestors.
humour me and let me be cryptic, because otherwise these fingers won't type. when you're not sure about the situation, don't go around telling people how terribly distraught and brokenhearted someone is over your alleged rejection. separately (something my sis told me), and worse still, don't go around spreading rumours about how a couple broke up when they clearly and obviously haven't. i may have a poor memory for sections and articles and statutes, but rest assured some things i remember.
and other things i remember, too, that strike me in the middle of a warm-up song, in the middle of random notes and phrases and lyrics.
i didn't mean to fall in love with you
and baby there's a name for what you put me through
it isn't love it's robbery
i'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
i remember. but i won't leap, or at least if i do i'll make sure i fall where no one sees.
________________________________________________________
having said that, i'm still a complete sucker for others' love stories. this goes back to emcc!! haha. just after company warm-up (which we'd NEVER had before, or at least not to the best of my memory) and before we all dispersed to our respective dressing rooms, leron called us all to a semblance of order and told us to sit down cos we had a video to watch. pat started talking, and he said that the video was a little bit of what he could do for us since we were all putting in so much effort for the performance and all.
obviously we all thought it was some sort of tribute to our practices or something, although i did wonder for a second or so how he'd managed to obtain footage of us. when the words "from LA to SG" flashed across the screen i revised my expectations-- footage of some of the choreographers he'd learnt from on his last trip?
oh noooo. nothing so plebian.
AHHHH. after watching this pat asked sharon to stand up so we could all see her. she was wiping away at her eyes-- and come on, let's face it, ALL (or nearly) all the girls were. for all the cries of "spoil market" and "oh my god my makeup!!", i don't think there was a single soul there who wasn't touched to the very core of their being by that video.
dance, love, blast. :) all the best things ever. valentine's isn't about some two-hundred-dollar ring or-- whatever. it's this. haha. did you know he didn't have help filming the vid he basically just placed the camera on postboxes and benches and then ran far far behind so he could cycle forwards? oh mannnnnnnn
after that the concert could only get even higher. we gathered for our blast pow-wow-ish ritual; erwin led the prayers (i know, i never really thought of blast except in a secular sense) and this time, for some strange reason, instead of doing the usual whoosh, we did this in slo-mo, and as i watched each of our hands go down and rise, so slowly, into the hazy glow of the stage lights-- it was like this calm suddenly descended upon me. us? i don't know.
all i know it that it keeps getting better. :)
proper post with pics next time! going to go interact with my family instead haha miss them lotssss
music: ghost of you, bbmak