He allegedly fell for me
through an open window
Cracked his chest open
to reveal his heart
still skeptic of my intentions
he made me swear
that I would always be there
I will always be here

Oh I’m in love
Again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I climbed upon his shoulders
And laughed until I cried
The view and I collide
To see this through his eyes
We never looked so pretty
Never seemed so real
I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel

Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

So I let go of myself now
And tell him how I feel
Cause I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I’m in love again, again
And you may call me tomorrow my friend, yes
You may kiss me again and again
I’ll hold on tight

I’ll hold on tight (2x)
-- Maria Mena, I'm In Love

today-- yesterday, friday, whatever-- was mad. having discovered at something like 11pm on thursday night that i'd happily typed in a 1.5k-word-long chunk about the judiciary into my pathetically battered essay that had zero relevance whatsoever to the two-page-long question that i'd either i) misremembered or ii) neglected to full appreciate in all its stultifying mystique. in any case i more or less rewrote my entire essay in something like 9 hours. you can imagine i wasn't exactly in the best of conditions to come up with the loveliest arguments-- i banned msn, threw my phone in a corner and resorted to facebook and serial blogging to let off steam (since these wouldn't interfere with my agonising too actively!).

it was horrible-- i barely managed to cobble together something remotely coherent by 2.15pm (i fell asleep in between :( ), whereupon i gave up trying to pummel my citations into mcgill-approved standard and showered and changed in record time (i was out of the house by 2.35). and no, xf if you're wondering i didn't stop to do makeup or sth haha i was BEYOND late (admittedly i ah reorganised my look in the car, LATER. after everything below la).

dragged my very sleepy and self-sacrificing sister who had luckily not blown up at me after i imploded repeatedly (and who also in the car read through my scanty paper that i'd had no chance to proofread at all), reassured my dad that i would drive safely and then proceeded to speed all the way to school. arrived one minute after three for blast comm interview which finished rather awkwardly at close to 3.30-- i walked decorously out of the room and broke into a run as soon as i hit the sunshiney pavement-- thank goodness for wedges rather than stilettos. drove back to bukit timah with only one near-mishap involving a taxi and arrived at the student counter with three minutes to spare before assignment deadline.

good. god. by then i should have dropped dead, but instead i felt free and almost almost high for the first time in days and days and days. alright, i tell a lie-- i practically danced back to my car. it was like a complete weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and i could breathe free. TGIF!

seriously, though-- WHAT recess week???

alright-- i did have lots of fun on wednesday. pat's adidas choreo was freaking fun to do seriously how could anyone not want to buy adidas after it? hohoh :D but it was so interesting watching all the VERY very different takes each person had on it-- claudine's explosive energy (which i still can't get enough of-- i really think it's damn nice haha *sticks tongue out at a certain someone!*), eva's groove (i really really liked her strumming!), ahmad's-- whatever-it-was hhaa he's always indefinable! his ahmadness heh and fred's fredness also. seriously they all looked so different-- but they all looked EXTREMELY good doing the choreo! :D i like i like i like. AND YES i know krystal liked ALOT hahaha she was practically melting HEEHEE. claudine was like "Eh calm down ok? calm down".

erwin and jooteng however were COMPLETELY in sync la. like what andy said of one of the teams at the funka semis-- they'd synced their groove, which is seriously one of the hardest things to do. :):)

AND HAHA we finally got to see a live demo of "picking up hats in character", courtesy of PINK DIAMOND-- eva's hot pink cap fell off at the five-and-six or eighth count while they were demo-ing and she kicked it out of the way, but it slid forward towards the mirror JUST a few counts before the "we make a great pair, my adidas and me" end, whereupon jooteng swooped upon the cap, clapped it on his head and POSED. just in time to catch the final count.

STANDING OVATION WORTHY.

and perhaps inspired by that, when one of the groups did their turns at the end of "we make a great pair my adidas and me" about seventy pairs of shoes came sailing through the air at them. HEE.

class is really damn damn damn fun i can't believe next week's going to be the last one already :( i'm going to miss blast SO MUCH. admittedly there's the promise of the asean yog performance but i don't know when that's going to be, and eurgh i'm deathly afraid it'll clash with internships and everything (which i STILL have not applied for). can't imagine how i'm going to survive next sem-- seriously one of my biggest no-go factors for exchange was missing class for one entire sem. (jinglin tells me i'm mad: i'm inclined to agree, but to quote the bard-- "it is sweet madness, glorious sadness that brings me to my knees" [no, it wasn't just a sarah mclachlan lyric apparently]).

i guess another downside about exchange now is that it more or less completely screwed up (like i didn't do that enough already during the interview haha i was so nervous and plain cranky from lack of sleep and too much coffee powder) whatever vestigial chances i had of getting into blast comm. my starting point in running was basically about wanting to step-up-step-out and actually try and give something back to something that has given so much meaning to me, and the end result never should have mattered because it was what that act personally meant to me tha truly mattered in the end. but the taste of rejection however expectantly embraced is always bitter, no?

my sister thinks i'm mad too; when i got back in the car (before sprinting out of school for school hur hur) and groaned that maybe exchange was a humongous mistake after all she gave me a mildly-evil (not practise-my-mwahaha-laugh-evil evil, you know) look and asked me if i was crazy.

but i felt quite down even after the high of handing in damnable public law, and even retail therapy did absolutely nothing to cheer me up UNTIL some time later HEH. everything was just quite quite dreary, except for the parts where we practised rhonda byrne's Secret (the law of attraction thing) and found that HOLY GODS it works. i'm serious. basically (i'm stealing from my sis' blog):

my co-worker dawn was telling me today about this film-documentary called "the secret" which is based on a self-help book of the same name. the idea behind it is really cool -- it's basically something like ask and you shall receive. but it's not another preachy religious book or anything. you're supposed to think positive thoughts in order to attract positive events and happenings to you, and that's known as the "law of attraction".

stuck in a parking lot CHOCK full of waiting cars and no spots...
i said: "i will get a parking spot within... ONE MINUTE."
mich: "*frowns* it doesn't work that way la! you've got to make it humanly possible."
me: "it is what."
mich:"the person still has to walk here and--"
*beep beep*
me: "OH MY GOD IT IS ONE MINUTE."


but we couldn't find the secret book in borders (yes it really is secret) and since i was starving (i'd had zero time to eat that day except before 6am, which to me still means yesterday haha) and my sister was equally famished, having believed that ONE packet of guo tiao gan passes for breakfast and lunch, we headed off for food glorious food. if anyone is ever in the vicinity of the shaw isetan market BUY THE DORIYAKI. or whatever it is. seriously all the other fish-shaped pancakey things have NOTHING on it. xf would have loved this :(

then we headed off to far east where we got her cosplay outfit and a very decent bolero-ish thingy and i was told that 30bucks would be all it would take to resuscitate my dead shrekkie-specs (which i'd arrived home on wednesday-night-thursday-morning to find smashed in the middle of the floor, with nary a soul willing to admit to the nefarious deed). whee. but until it's fixed i'm stuck wearing my contact lenses and being blind for about 12 hours a day.

THEN retail therapy finally worked its magic on me and so i finally snapped out of my blue funk in plaza singapura and bought heaps of scandals that had my sister looking "appropriately scandalised"(haha ning!). haha. COTTON ON has a SALE! so happy was i to be deriving pleasure from spending (and of course stimulating the retail industry which is in danger of losing 20000 jobs) that i even bought their recyclable bag which i found very pretty indeed. because my phone is not cooperating the pic must stay hidden for now :( (oh yes people my phone is malfunctioning please email/fb me in addition to calling/smsing if possible because the bloody sony ericsson is being a retard). had sushi and then proceeded to buy this strange black nose pack thing that my sister had found on some spree site.

back to the car and my sister's cookbooks from borders; and then home, home, home.
i stepped out after dinner to the park and wound myself around a swing, staring into the still windless night and swinging till i was dizzy. my player provided the insulation from the world i needed at that point-- away from work, from random worries and strange strangers singing at me in the middle of nowhere (YES there was this bunch of WEIRD dudes who did that while i was bounding off to the park. i mean like whaaaat). anything from twenty minutes to half an hour later i hopped off the swing and turned around to find my father creeping up on me and my mum sitting on a bench behind the swings. HAHA wth la. apparently convinced i'd

i) been sneaking out to rendezvous with some playa
ii) get robbed and murdered
iii) be possessed by some ghost (yes this is the park which always freaks me out when i run past it any time after 8 or 9 pm. but hey face your fears ya)

they'd come out to find me and sat behind me for about 10 minutes, concluding that people would have thought i was the ghost instead because i'd left my hair untied, was wearing a black shirt and my long long peasant skirt (you can't see my legs then. HEH)

mum: "lucky your skirt has some colour. otherwise some long-haired female on a swing going eeeee.....yiiikkkk.... eee.... yikkkkkk...."

hurhur.

a nameless melancholy grips me, but i suspect i know its source: my very own ides of march, just 12 days earlier. it sounds stupid, i know, but i just realised-- as in, fully acknowledged-- that february is only twenty-eight days long, and 3rd of march approaches.

it's been three years.

march never fails to feel darker and bleaker; spring's colours are muted or incongruous, winds are sharper, rains more poignant, nights imbued with a sense of presence and absence all at once.
march for me will forever be a month of white roses against cream-paper-and-black-lettered-names, of letters i've written never meaning to send.



i <3 my sister. she listened to me emo half the way home AND she's an incipient domestic goddess:) yes you weird little sock-freak hahahaha. i'm telling you, the socks were PRETTY.
Posted at 1:39 AM

i'm trying to type my essay for pub law after realising that i got 2 days' worth of work completely off point (yes, 1.5k words. BLAH). twitter is down on me so i can't update there, but i'd just like to say:

in the midst of insane const. law and the "oh my god i've got to finish this"-s...


every. time. i. think. about. 3.20pm. my fingers go numb.
andigetthissinkingfeelinginmystomach.

AGRH.whyyyyyyyy am i so freaaaaaaked
Posted at 4:51 AM

but my uncle john from jamaica keeps on calling everyday
he says he's gonna take me on a sunny holiday

it's the hols and i want to be outside i am going stircrazy with cabin fever. can't decide if i want tomorrow to come quickly and be over (eeeek interview eeeeeek and eeeeeek public law) or if i just don't want it to come at alllll. then after that there's like lcs and equity assignments and ARGH DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

TWO MORE SECTIONS. ok, three, counting the transitions and intro and conclusion.

ARGH.

incidentally my kermit the frog specs are dead. rip shrekkie.
Posted at 8:25 PM

okay oops sorry scratch previous post. it'll be the cathay outlet for the next two weeks. heeheehe
Posted at 10:58 AM

i gave in to temptation.

now i have ONE day to finish my public law essay.

FREAAAAK.




before i go off and tear out all my hair (which i suspect would be a great relief to collen and mich rose and everyone who got whacked in the face by various strands of it tonight heehee) i shall do a blatant advert:

IF YOU'RE A GUY OR HAVE GUY FRIENDS OR ANYONE REMOTELY POSSIBLY MALE IN YOUR LIFE, go to whathewants to buy presents for them! be nice it will give you good karma. and if you're buying it for yourself well then you get a treat.

just be sure to go to the suntec outlet, not the cathay one, and look for the meekest most demure salesperson who is wearing the least makeup and has korean-ish curls in her hair (read: big curls at the ends and nothing on top). THEN buy from her.

if in doubt, just say "oh, look, EDISON CHEN". alternatively, if you're a jap fan, "hey isn't that IKUTA TOMA".

the salesperson who gets whiplash from turning her head around too quickly-- yeah, that's the one. buy from her.

good karma good karma!

HEE.


and last but not least: I HEART BLAST. a lot! :D:D LOVED the choreo today although i totally couldn't do it. and the scratch on my arm has swelled to an open-lipped welt. scarily bloody still :(:(:(
Posted at 5:01 AM

public law is ruining my life.

yesterday was supposed to be such a beautiful day-- look at the sheer promise of the sunrise-- but i was so fractious and irritable that i ruined it all :(

i'm not even halfway through my essay yet and it's already halfway through recess week. i don't think i'm going to go out with the blast ppl tonight after all.

ah, had we but world enough, and time, this coyness, lady, were no crime.

i want to climb a tree, be sand on a beach by the sea, sleep with the peace of the free, wake up and run in the morning at three in my 413s that don't feel too light, after all (not after the 5th km, that is). heck, i want to climb a tree. hahahah.

want, want, want. but we never get what we want, do we.


when i'm with him
i am
thinking of you


sometimes, isn't life already tedious enough, without our trying to add even more problems for ourselves?
Posted at 10:58 AM

mummy dearest brought me yong he :) i am happy!

but this means i am now too full to run :( and my stupid alarm didn't ring at 8 the way it shld have so i could go, either.

BAH.

nvm. yong he first. :):):)
Posted at 4:52 PM

<3 (:
Posted at 5:37 AM

honest movie titles



and something we all need...
Posted at 11:36 PM

this past week has felt rather insane for some strange reason. it's been too long, and too short, and not long enough; it's been a mad rush, and a slow siesta, and everything in between. in short it's been a bundle of contradictions mainly triggered by the disjunct between my diurnal and nocturnal activities.

i feel so bifurcated at times-- in law school i am a completely different person from the person i am outside of it. and frankly at this point i almost wouldn't have it any other way, because i think law-- school, not the subject itself-- ceased to be utterly accommodating (?) and fun and even purely acceptable a while ago. even as recently as last sem i thought nothing of spending 16 hours a day in school-- now i just want out, or at least to be alone without having to deal with the insane squash of humanity. i can take people in small doses, but push the whole faculty together and i just want to scream. or maybe it's not really the "Faculty" as the unseen unknown undefinable "they"/"them"-- you know, "they" judge, "they" always say. and it's true, like i told steph as we waited for her ride last thurs-- they judge, alright. they do.

antisocial much?

so i've actually been quite grateful for this past week-- which has been a sort of transition (haha transition provisions) for me to catch my breath and juggle myself back to reality. i realise i've got no small number of cryptic posts recently; basically the reason is that i've been playing agony aunt to my girls all week. the past two (three? four?) days especially-- it seemed like i was online 24/7 or trying to meet up somehow somewhere; creature j in the daytime (or hours away from my laptop) and the other creature j in the hours i WAS at my laptop.

and this is not to say that it's good or pleasant or positive if your girlfriends' lives are in turmoil, but dredge up that adage-- huan nan jian zhen qing-- and maybe you can see what i mean when i say that, for some reason, during this time i really felt like i grew closer to both the creatures. of course we enjoy "peacetime"-- shopping, eating, the usual slew of activities-- but we tend to take those for granted. it's usually only when we need them-- when want leaves us naked, emotions leave us scarred, the heart and its passions rip us open and turn us vulnerable-- that we truly realise and are grateful for how wonderful our closest friends are. i felt like i wasn't even remotely-- giving back-- enough, because it was a big deal for me that they came down to emcc and were willing to queue and watch and listen to me obsess and everything.

it's always nice to be needed, even if the circumstances leading you there aren't pleasant. and yes, i felt like i got closer because-- let's face it-- best friends are best friends, but even they take second place all too often to boyfriends. i've accepted that (after a good long talking-to by my mum haha), but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt at all; socrates' hemlock draught was gladly imbibed, but it still killed him. and as friends we ought to know when to back off, and most relationships-- best friends or no-- are out-of-bounds; there will always be secrets between you and a lover that your best of best friends will never ever know.

so this was sort of an intromission in a time of need, if you get what i mean. but guess what-- it's been resolved on both ends, and i'm glad. emotion is exhausting, and honestly i ached to see/read how affected they were, and to know there was nothing i could do that would make it better. so it';s all good that it's good now (i was quite exhausted by the end of the week, physically AND emotionally. hohoho).

anyway friday! we had grand plans to study, ning and i, and to go shopping and then 'wala' in self-pity (or not) for our sad states on a friday night. unfortunately that didn't quite work out because my plan to study in the central library was thwarted by my ignorance. after we got kicked out of the library for my tapping ning in (i SERIOUSLY did not know we couldn't tap outside people in. i mean, what's the deal? is air-con air that precious we were just looking for a place to sit wth hahah), we adjourned to munchie monkeys where, in between abortive attempts to sort out my hellish constitutional law readings and pasta-ing (don't order al funghi! :( seriously all the creamy mushroom pastas in sg are just degenerating. even wine co's! *shudder*), we finally had a chance to just talk. ning played with her mussels and hid them in a napkin haha.

we stayed till near closing, and then headed for holland v where we had thought of siesta-ing at wala wala. parking was crap we ended up on deck 3b of some MSCP because holland v's was chock full. wala was equally crowded, so we finally ended at cold stone creamery. the ice-cream's overrated it's not that good, but the music and the swings-- and of course, the company-- were impeccable. :)




thereafter we lurked out again, avoiding the cockroach ning had kicked earlier (hahaha) and laughing at over-modded suzuki swifts that had the muffler-removed vroooooom but not the know-how to negotiate a u-turn (i will get karma one day, i know. actually i think karma's already slapped me in the face, and repeatedly so). since my petrol gauge was blinking frantically at me i started hunting for a shell station, found the black hole where i could have sworn one once existed, and took two wrong turns before heading down sixth avenue to dunearn and missing one station cos i was happily nattering away before finally stopping at the one opposite law school. sheesh. oh yes along the way we passed gunnysack high and gunnysack junior college which have both been collectively renamed as gunnysack institution. hahaha. and ning's brother is a true blue (brown) gunnysack because he went to both chinese high and hc. hahahaha :D

eurgh reminds me randomly of how the hci uniform is apparently 7-secs fire resistant. ha.

anyway filled up the car (i still don't know her name! i would like to call her monica but since i KNOW a monica that would be kind of weird) after a series of mishaps including my forgetting which side the oil thingy was and then applied for my shell card and and and SIGNED for my FIRST credit card purchase! whee. (i've spent a hundred bucks on fuel this month, even with my parents filling the car every now and then. BLEAK. oil guzzler). thereafter we headed east, originally intending to hang out by the kallang river or something, or even go to tanjong rhu. however, a couple of missed turnings later (i was distracted!! by savage garden! and anyway to be PERFECTLY candid we had NOT constitutionally hard-wiredly decided where to go, so TECHNICALLY i didn't make any mistakes. hee) we espied the kpe and decided to go down it. i'd never been in there! and like about 5 metres away from entering ning suddenly screamed "YVONNE!" giving me the shock of my life because i thought i'd run over someone or something. anyway she said we'd die if we didn't wind up the windows and close the sunroof pretty damn quick because her mum'd said the air in that tunnel is perilously bad. so there-- driving tip!

we eventually ended up at marina barrage after circling through raffles boulevard, eyeing the flyer, and our "old haunt" (aiyah what else is there you tell me. hint: it's where xf told me SOMEONE was her "new best friend", after which i frogmarched her to the toilet and made her wash her face till she stopped finding random "pillows" heeheehee) to which i still possess the (never-used) membership card. she spotted random ntu ppl there though. some party or another laaa. got on fullerton, now known as the "all-the-runs-bridge" courtesy of ning haha seriously we found our way to the barrage partly through remembering the routes our runs had taken. i found myself missing xf because we passed by her favourite view; the view is there, alright, but where is its admirer? :(:(:(

BUT...

marina barrage is beautiful. totally worth the crazy round-about-getting-mildly-lost drive to get there. xf you'd love the view-- it's so much lovelier than even our esplanade haunt. eh, in fact, JINGLIN-- haha i just realised you also like that esplanade stretch. and then i remembered you've heart-to-hearted on marina barrage before also. haha.

that place is REALLY the heart-to-heart capital. City of Hearts. we sat there, freezing in the chilly wind, till i finally drove her home at close to the witch's hour (i was surprised my parents didn't send more than two messages demanding to know when i would go home, but then again they knew who i was with, and why). on arrival at the foot of her block, she was to pause, getting out of my car, and find an unexpected surprise that would take away the fears and the heartache and the regrets, and leave a genuine smile upon the visage that had been wearing such tired, semi-broken cheer all week.

a surprise that'd been waiting for some five hours. whoops. :)

and i happily drove off unknowingly. just as well. the night didn't need more dian deng paos to drown out the splendour of the stars :):):)
___________________________________________
nette finally told me the story behind the slew of emo-sounding posts on krys' blog ALL ON the day before vday. basically there's this shop in far east, allegedly on the 3rd level, where you can give this girl sitting behind a typewriter one word and receive a stanza or a thought in response. nette and krys gave "abortion" and "septic" haha hmms i really do wonder WHAT the heck she made of them. and i want to read what she wrote!

in any case krys decided that she could write better, and hence the posts.

but inspired by them, i thought it was such a cool idea-- to generate a whole world of emotion and responses based on one word. so, not liking to trust my own bias in choosing a word, i logged on to dictionary.com, and the word of the day is

hermetic \hur-MET-ik\, adjective:
1. closed tightly; airtight
2. obscure; magical

so this is a sort of facebook-note-tag, but on blogger: try writing something too! i'm going to see what i can make of it and if there are any results post them :):)

obviously the only word on my mind ought to be CONSTITUTIONAL, but OH WELL.
_______________________________________

and oh my gosh haha i want to remember random mondegreens (misheard lyrics-- they're called mondegreens because for 17 years some guy heard this lyric as something like 'they took the dead lord of the manor and lady mondegreen', and always wondered who was the mysterious lady mondegreen that was so fleetingly mentioned and never honoured in tribute on her death. he discovered close to 2 decades later that it was 'they took the dead lord of the manor/ and laid him on the green".) that ning came up with BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER. i only know i laughed my head off. OH OH HAHA lil wayne's lollipop!!! WHAT did she hear omg. ahhh. oh yes haha when there were words (the high-pitched part) she said "he's going laaaaaaaaa". and something like "li-li-li-lick the leather ball" instead of "she said i'm li-li-li-li-like a lollipop". ning! explicate! i cannot remember! hahaha. and rihanna's "sos" is "the spelling song" :D


unless you can muse in a crowd all day
on the absent face that fixed you
unless you can love, as the angels may,
with the breadth of heaven betwixt you;
unless you can dream that his faith is fast
through behoving and unbehoving;
unless you can -die- when the dream is past--
oh, never call it loving!
Posted at 2:14 PM

and all's well that ends well.

:):):)

(you know i THOUGHT the guy sitting at the table was him at first. i guess i should have looked more carefully. where was he lurking??)

in any case, babe, congrats-- and eh i have upgraded the ratio so it is now a kung fu cha bei to your peach soda glass. :D yes, yes, my opinion of him has gone up a notch more. (sorry xf :s!)
Posted at 3:12 AM

i don't know how to make things right.

sometimes i wish we could just go back to the times when life was so much less complicated... for you at least. when all the drama was of my own making, and we were all safer for it.
_______________

later, ten-ish am--

the black lump BIT me. :(

guess he's missing the small dog more than he can let on.

bahhh
Posted at 3:58 AM

I've loved this poem since the first time I read it back in j1.
_______________________________________________________________

But if I were to have a lover, it would be someone
who could take nothing from you. I would, in conscience,
not dishonor you. He and I would eat at Howard Johnson's

which you and I do not enjoy. With him I would go
fishing because it is not your sport. He would wear blue
which is your worst color; he would have none of your virtues.

Not strong, not proud, not just, not provident, my lover
would blame me for his heart's distress, which you would never
think to do. He and I would drink too much and weep together

and I would bruise his face as I would not bruise your face
even in my dreams. Yes I would dance with him, but to a music
you and I would never choose to hear, and in a place

where you and I would never wish to be. He and I would speak
Spanish, which is not your tongue, and we would take
long walks in fields of burdock, to which you are allergic.

We would make love only in the morning. It would be
altogether different. I would know him with my other body,
the one that you have never asked to see.


- Barbara L. Greenberg
Posted at 2:07 AM

this is bad my sister has dragged me into a crazy spiral of fangirldom. instead of doing my equity tutorial yesterday i spent well over an hour watching the korean version of hana yori dango with her.

but the show is incredibly funny haha yes the blog post title is from the male lead's dialogue. another choice line: "i'm tall, handsome and loaded. how can you resist me?"

the thing is, he's serious. he can't understand why the girl-- jandi-- doesn't fall helpless at his feet swooning. oh my gosh hahahaha.

oh GODS okay this is insane. haha but sometimes what's life without a bit of incredulity?


stolen with permission from my sister's blog. TOLD YOU I WAS FANGIRLING. eeeeks.
but okay at least i don't "dissolve into a rabid pile of fangirl goo" like SOMEONE i could mention every time mr goo joon pyo raises an eyebrow. tsk!
_______________________________________________

i think i am in love with this week. it's been an eventful one, but i've grown closer to my homegirls; made a few big-ish decisions; reaffirmed things i need to do; watched my sister grow a little (haha cos she has a job now!!) and watched the other sister mature a bit too (failing, and then passing, her japanese tests [yes the retake was only 2 days after the first attempt!]).


days go by, i'm hypnotised, i'm walking on a wire;
i close my eyes and fly out of my mind
into the fire

on tuesday i fully planned to stay awake till 8am and head out-- a time when enough light had descended so my parents wouldn't obsess about my getting murdered by some lurker in the shadows, and when it was still cool enough that it wouldn't be too far off from my usual erstwhile ungodly running hours. ha-- the best laid plans of mice and men oft gang agley (or however frost puts it); in between poking my sister up and waiting for her to get out of bed i fell asleep and ended up waking at 12ishpm instead. unwilling to give up on the idea of running again i went out anyway which was such an incredibly smart idea. yes, running at the 33-deg exact polar opposite of my pleasantly chilly midnight escapades into darkness, when i hadn't hit the roads for what must have been months. by the 3km mark i was more or less half-dead on my feet.

pathetic. but it was a start. i'm quite happy! because even though i have more or less given up on the idea of doing sundown (chances of waitlist applicants being admitted are more or less next to zero) krystal has enlisted tracy and me to do shape run, which for some inexplicable reason has been moved up to may this year. ha. third time lucky maybe i'll finally do a sub-1-hour :(

and! i'll be volunteering for sundown haha with creature j! it'll be quite fun doing random road-marshalling and handing out drinks. maybe i can spy my uncle and say hi. :D

creature j thanks for watching out for my sms on tuesday night haha. you were right-- i practically speed-walked to my car because i could have SWORN there had been this person behind me from the time i exited law school, but he VANISHED just before the crossing. and before that he had paused to level this very strange look at me. i was so freaked that the first thing i did when i reached the car and got in was to lock the doors. too many slasher flicks were parading their hyper-crimson bloodied scenes through my mind.

but driving home on tuesday night/wednesday morning was wonderful too, with the wind in my hair and the roads almost empty, darren hayes crooning everything from two beds and a coffee machine to to the moon and back on my stereo. some random suzuki tried to-- pace? race?-- me; haha xf!! doesn't this remind you of a certain kallang macs?? except that was a complete joke because of my "let's park in two lots" driving mentality EURGH.

wednesday on the way to blast my heel broke. total sign that i need new shoes, methinks. i did a mentos-ad and snapped the other side off after some finagling, but in the end didn't have time to change back into my regular clothes before running off for lcs tutorial at anson house (i was 15 mins late anyway but didn't miss much apparently). OH. that place is SO FREAKING COOL. seriously! the first two lines of my notes read:

"THEY CAN PRINT THEIR WHITEBOARDS
THEY WRITE ON GLASS PANELS IN PLACE OF WHITEBOARDS"

yeah haha they print their whiteboards. in colour! high-tech please. and apart from the whiteboard they also had these two decorative frosted glass panels flanking the lcd tv in the meeting room and halfway through the lesson one of the tutors just got up and started writing on the glass. i mean, like, whoa. i totally expected him to start writing on the tv next.

blast class was extremely fun. the "my adidas" choreo is coooool :D but i couldn't catch a few steps for junior class and i've forgotten random bits of senior class choreo. BLEH. :(
_______________________________________________

You fill up my senses
like a night in the forest
like the mountains in springtime,
like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert,
like a sleepy blue ocean
you fill up my senses,
come fill me again

heard vienna teng's cover of this denver classic on the bus today and grinned my head silly the rest of the ride. her voice is so deliciously divine :):)

my sister has informed me that jj shops at the place where she works. AHHHHH.

short-takes
the diva is GONE. :( no more dog-sitting for a while. i'm feeling kind of sad because i didn't really get to say goodbye although she did try to lick the polish off my nails this morning. bleh. at least now dalphie can have a good night's rest in his rightful basket without the little tempest stealing it out from under him.

and oh my god PLEASE people stop giving my family chocolates. my fridge is now filled with four family-sized bars of cadbury's, one pack of palmer's peanut butter chocs, two (used to be three) boxes of chocolate-covered macadamias, one box of brandy-filled pralines and assorted toblerones. PLEASE. STOP. my uncle-- diva's owner-- just dropped off those two boxes of choc macadamias and two big bags of almonds and macadamias as well. AHHH. oh wells at least that means i can start mixing up my rabbit food to carry around again.

read alice sebold's the lovely bones, which is-- okay. not half a patch on janet fitch, but oh well. and i finally found the full text of barbara l greenberg's the faithful wife (which i will post separately)! now i just have to order carol ann duffy's anthology.

night out with ning was damn fun. although she mostly spent her time daytonaing with my phone. not good eh babe daytona is not a substitute for driving lessons ok.
we are both currently lusting after separate bags from a shop in cathay :(

AND. for a certain little miss sexy (i hope you remember who you are!) here's a picture
i think, therefore i am single

don't worry about breaking hearts, love. you're the one who matters, and i hope things work out. we're all here for you k if you need to talk.

DON'T STAY UP TILL 4AM worrying again. haha. that's always been my role, not yours :):)


thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run
Posted at 12:01 AM

image-heavy post!

i haven't gotten around to putting the pics on facebook yet, but since EVERYONE else has already put all thepics on facebook i reckon i don't need to right. haha. ANYWAY, since i've finished the last of the macarons the creatures got me for the concert (hur hur excuse me i thought you were supposed to get me GRASS? hahaha) i figure i ought to start writing about it before i forget everything.

haha concerts are a drug. they're so easy to get addicted to-- first you have only one or two practices, then as time goes on you get more and more addicted and you have to have a "dose" of your choreo like practically everyday haha. not so much for this one la-- but for other performances, like SUAD and even busking, i swear i ate drank slept dreamt the choreography. even for emcc, which had so little prep time in comparison to the other performances, i found myself going through the choreos while doing anything from driving to tutorial-ing to bathing to eating to talking. haha. i think qian wen and michelle were quite alarmed by me haha when i fetched them to hall and home respectively on different occasions-- the moment i started the engine xuzi's song came on (seeing as how we'd JUST finished fred/xuzi's blocking it was very apt.). michelle-- poor girl!-- had to remind me several times to DRIVE and NOT try and remember the choreo haha we were trying to remember can't let go from last year :):)

then of course after the concert is over you suffer withdrawal. and then you're faced with the misuse of drugs act haha in the form of all the tutorials and lectures you skipped and all the work not done. it's enough to amount to a capital punishment i tell you.

drugs are baaaaad. :(

but doesn't mean we're going to stop taking them eh. hahaha

ANYWAY. the girls didn't get dressing room 7 this year! the senior girls i mean-- we were mostly stuffed into dressing room 5 which is like half the size of 7 la :( so there was always a chronic shortage of seats and chairs and mirrors and changing space. nevertheless we had cosy cosy times :)

making up. always a love-hate thing haha :)

and then, of course, the picture-taking-- sheesh we do so much of this we probably should make an item of it or something. haha. this one is way too close (short arms :(:() but heyyy there are four of us in there! haha

moreee epics. as you can see YES there are a lot of photos being taken of photos being taken.









sharon! the lucky object of the emcc surprise. she still looks so polished even after crying her falsies off haha eh life is not fair!

and random pics with everyone :):)
lina! too bad i don't have a better pic with her :( but her duet with joo teng was so moving-- even watching from backstage i ended up tearing... and i know which part was the one that really struck me-- her expression on the line "one more smile". every line of her body was so grief-stricken

CUTIE. hahahaha. Q.T. Kew-ty?? hahahhaah the hot mama ("mummy" la) who didn't realise he was stripping bandages off as he went about on stage

liren has scaaary eyes. i imagine this is how he scares his hamsters into docile submission hoho

what in the world was I thinking haha. Worried that idil would be jealous maybe :P

michelle and collen-roomie! Haha omg reminds me of camp and how we *ahem* discovered something quite jing bao about hazel HAHA. Actually not jing bao at all. But I can remember her blushing, which is very funny heehee

my fellow eastie! Who went to the same school as the track girls I trained with! Haha

oh lovable applie who was the first to call me to tell me I got into blast and who is my fellow human race runner and gothic cute witch whom my sisters couldn’t stop looking at. Haha. Hugs hugs miss you!

krystal! The lovely talent-spotted one whom is always so poised and who always dares to stand up and speak out. you are cooooll

evidence that thomas enjoys his role a leeeeetle bit too much.


this our town of halloween

choreographers! these guys are the beeest *beeeeg grin*





poonie. Wth. Haha. My official nickname already rarrrrrrr. I didn’t take pics of fred’s present or ellen’s rose or alvan’s gift!

macaronsssss from the icing room. They don’t look like much here, but they are YUMMY. I loved the green tea ones. Thank you darlings!

mum and dad (: I totally didn’t expect them to come haha but at the end I looked up and I saw them waving madly at me. I am immensely grateful that they took time out to watch the performance—time, and energy, despite all the random hospital visits. Ehhh my mum is NOT incredibly afraid that I will “break”, she meant sprain! Or otherwise injure myself

and with everyone excepting my ncc-ing brother, whose only form of exercise is to turn his head. HAHA. (eh not true I went home the other day and he was out running. SLY! And BOJIO!). haha yes this includes the insane food and joey who happily arrived at ucc at 4!! I owe you guys subs k.

haha mini dhs gathering! Lol. Thanks for coming girls I really appreciate it. Xf was impeccably dressed (as always haha eh indeed whatever happened to “live-in-hoodie-and-jeans”. Abigail! I congratulate you on no longer appearing suspicious (even if inside you still are. And I promise the belt was not tight at all. I owe you a taiwan-trip present! Ning the suspicious one who always goes shopppinggggg. Haha. Buy new shoes la if not we’ll keep stepping on you. Hahaha. Jin—“LOML”—green-eyed monster! :D hahaha. Thanks SO much for coming you totally didn’t have to and EH we ARE going to take classes together ok. BREAKDANCE ftw! (ning, this is where your brother can come in handy, no. hahah. Handy. HANDY.)

and of course, how would anything be complete without a proper tribute to all my creatures. You’ve been there for me through everything and I totally don’t deserve you girls. Ni we’re still missing you but see there’s a space between ning and me so that you can *insert head here*. Hahaha. Like my suspicious efforts at sentosa. i miss you alllllll. And if EVER ever EVER you need to talk – msn or phone or email or whatever—I’m there k. love!

merci beaucoup
michelle for her delicious biscuits and companionship home (not to mention recapping can't let go steps! hahha)
ellen for the lovely rose with silky-soft-baby-cheek-smooth-petals and message and helping out with xuzi's shirt size
xuzi for the hp bling(GARGH) and the crazy notebook and the keychain and the sweet message!
fred for the very cute flower which, yes, still had the price tag on-- heh-- and the message that totally helped to increase my IQ cos it was so high-level
applie for the chocolate frog (omg so witchy! haha) that saved my life some random day in school when i was starving and food-less
alvan for his very grammatically correct message in a jar :D
chun for helping with makeup!
liren for driving us home haha
tracy for being a role model of explosiveness and always being friendly and sweet and not screaming when i drive madly
nicole for doing crunches with me all the time and helping with fred's shirt size!
qianwen and shingyeen! for being greaaat juniors :D
thomas for insanity. hahha.
shiru and phoebe, for being targets of thomas' insanity and hence providing all-round amusement
yuko for being hardworking and recapping steps with me!
weina for helping to correct my steps and HAHA "welcome to my house"
ok this has to stop. there is just too much to say and too many to thank and omg it's 10.54pm i need to do worrrrrk.
so-- anyone i missed! sorry sorry. but you're in my thoughts!

i'm on a high on a high
there's nothing more to it
Posted at 9:06 PM

(ni! i want you in the pic!)

today after talking to food poon i realised--

all my creatures are scattered all over the place. ni's in atlanta, xf's in melbourne, ning is far way on another planet(i.e. jurong), abby's in kent ridge and i'm in bukit timah. and even if we were to include zy (haha) she's in smu.

how does a place as small as singapore suddenly fling us all so far apart?

i miss you all, and i wish i could be there to give you all beeeg fat hugs. i don't want your worlds to fall apart with you all on your own; i can't help but marvel and even quake a little at how tenuous and yet unwaveringly strong our strands of friendship appear as they stretch all over the freaking planet. haha.

hugs, loves. it'll be okay. just remember
i) BIG FAT UGLY NIKE JACKET
ii) jamie oliver is uglyyyy! haha. so don't anyhow "throw"! (hurhur). stick to feast of asia for a while!!
iii) kiap the things properly. hahaha. a little pain is worth the glam! (hohoho)
iv) eh super normal better than super bad.

oh food poon passed her jap test. 10/10 for oral and 98/10 for written (omg haha she still complained about the 2 marks). but joey has to retake. bleh. i bought them sushi and bubble tea to celebrate/cheer them up before driving home together.

now back to pub law tut ARGH.
Posted at 12:33 AM

i swear parents-- or maybe just MY parents, and my mum in particular-- are the only ones on this PLANET who think that you ought to smile merrily at them when they pull the FREAKING plug on your laptop after an ENTIRE afternoon of work.

and it is only because i am trying my best not to lose it that i am angrily tapping away at my laptop instead of cursing my head off, explicitly.

still, catharsis needs an outlet, no.

in the words of britney, if you seek a-.
Posted at 10:55 PM

my feb 7 post about the mysterious said subject which is so annoying yet adorable.

yes, yes, we're dog-sitting again. her proper name is "xiaotong", but since she doesn't respond to it anyway i would much rather call her DIVA because she IS one.

that, or siaodingdong.

seriously! look at that-- THAT BASKET BELONGS TO MY DOG. since she came she's either been occupying it to the misery of my poor dalphie or trying stealthily to demolish it. that dog is small but has she got TEETH. she reduced a good fist-sized portion of the rattan-bamboo-whatever-it-is to wood confetti and ripped out all the lining from the blue cushion. then she has the temerity to prance into the house and loll about sticking her tongue out at dalphie, who is completely not allowed to enter the house and knows it.

that DIVA.

but i can't keep patently ignoring her for dalphie either :( BARGH. this shows why i would make a very bad mom who would play favourites... and lose.

plus she has such an endearing manner of licking fingers and toes. AHHH she is EVIL incarnate. evil in a fluffy package
Posted at 2:36 PM

SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO BLOG ABOUT.

haha. let's start with today.

i wasn't exactly looking forward to today; more or less the first valentine's day i'd be spending alone since it's the first time all the creatures are completely unavailable-- aussie, us, or boyfriending. (and even aussie and us are boyfriending hahaha). so no one to buy flowers for, or have a yummilicious dinner with, or to walk the lines of the singapore river with, dreaming and drinking in the ambrosia of city nights. in fact (whoa this goes back damn long ago)-- and this is probably positive-- no one to go shopping for either. HAHA er converse shirts and crazy stuffed dogs anyone. OMG whatever possessed us? or me, to be exact, since my partner-in-crime-- you know who you are haha :P-- had a valid reason?

but it didn't turn out as bad as i thought it might; following the poet's words i "moved from lonely to alone" and didn't really feel the sting of not having the creatures with me instead. on the contrary-- i sent them all online valentines :) (emcc after effects la-- no flowers this time!), met up with jin for a souperlicious brunch-that-turned-into-lunch, set myself on fire (ok, watched in horror as the masseuse set me on fire) and then headed back to bugis with my sister for uzumaki and very yummy avocado sushi (thanks for the recommendation xf!) and shopppppping. went home more or less broke again but with the happy satisfaction of new shirts (but one doesn't fit! :() and table water crackers and dried mango (haha jinglin!).

all in all a good day. thank you darling kazua for your very sweet valentine and all the candy hearts and chocs! i owe you potato wedges or at least a cheese fondue (yes! it was right next to soup spoon! haha).

and so vday turned out to be more or less pleasant rather than bleak, with jokes about happy S.A.D. and much love from all around. i think i was happier for once, when i didn't have to think too much about the whole raison d'etre of vday.

maybe i'm being disingenuous, but-- there's always stuff i want to say but cannot. because some things are buried too deep to even be secrets, which have the option of being kept or told; other things you simply don't tell or even write about because they might hurt someone else. and even if that person has hurt you, two wrongs don't make a right.

yes, i'm trying to fulfill this semi-resolution i made to stop being such an uber bitch. unfortunately it usually doesn't work-- like when i discovered the scratches some wandering asshole had made over the hood of my car with his (*&^%$# keys and promptly cursed eighteen generations of his ancestors.

humour me and let me be cryptic, because otherwise these fingers won't type. when you're not sure about the situation, don't go around telling people how terribly distraught and brokenhearted someone is over your alleged rejection. separately (something my sis told me), and worse still, don't go around spreading rumours about how a couple broke up when they clearly and obviously haven't. i may have a poor memory for sections and articles and statutes, but rest assured some things i remember.

and other things i remember, too, that strike me in the middle of a warm-up song, in the middle of random notes and phrases and lyrics.

i didn't mean to fall in love with you
and baby there's a name for what you put me through
it isn't love it's robbery
i'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

i remember. but i won't leap, or at least if i do i'll make sure i fall where no one sees.
________________________________________________________
having said that, i'm still a complete sucker for others' love stories. this goes back to emcc!! haha. just after company warm-up (which we'd NEVER had before, or at least not to the best of my memory) and before we all dispersed to our respective dressing rooms, leron called us all to a semblance of order and told us to sit down cos we had a video to watch. pat started talking, and he said that the video was a little bit of what he could do for us since we were all putting in so much effort for the performance and all.

obviously we all thought it was some sort of tribute to our practices or something, although i did wonder for a second or so how he'd managed to obtain footage of us. when the words "from LA to SG" flashed across the screen i revised my expectations-- footage of some of the choreographers he'd learnt from on his last trip?

oh noooo. nothing so plebian.


AHHHH. after watching this pat asked sharon to stand up so we could all see her. she was wiping away at her eyes-- and come on, let's face it, ALL (or nearly) all the girls were. for all the cries of "spoil market" and "oh my god my makeup!!", i don't think there was a single soul there who wasn't touched to the very core of their being by that video.

dance, love, blast. :) all the best things ever. valentine's isn't about some two-hundred-dollar ring or-- whatever. it's this. haha. did you know he didn't have help filming the vid he basically just placed the camera on postboxes and benches and then ran far far behind so he could cycle forwards? oh mannnnnnnn

after that the concert could only get even higher. we gathered for our blast pow-wow-ish ritual; erwin led the prayers (i know, i never really thought of blast except in a secular sense) and this time, for some strange reason, instead of doing the usual whoosh, we did this in slo-mo, and as i watched each of our hands go down and rise, so slowly, into the hazy glow of the stage lights-- it was like this calm suddenly descended upon me. us? i don't know.

all i know it that it keeps getting better. :)


proper post with pics next time! going to go interact with my family instead haha miss them lotssss

music: ghost of you, bbmak
Posted at 10:23 PM

:(

bon voyage darling suspicious one!

felt so miserable taking the train home from the airport. we totally didn't hang out enough, and now the next time i'll see you is in like-- omg-- december. WE'LL BE MISSING ALL THE TWENTY-FIRSTS. ARGHHHHH.

life steeeenks.

but you looked awesomely good today anyway. hahaha :D

have a fun black and lacey vday down under. ok that sounds damn wrong, but i swear it's completely unintentional. (frankly, i would have wanted to go watch that nonsensical thunder form down under, but you're the only person i would have watched it with and you're offff and awaayyyyyy. BLEH and i just realised the stupid pun in the name of the group)

throw it away
forget yesterday
we'll make the great escape
won't hear a word they say
they don't know us anyway
Posted at 4:25 AM

all i hear is raindrops
falling on the rooftop
ooh baby tell me why you'd have to go
cos this pain it won't go away
and today
i'm officially missing you

I am currently sitting in equity tutorial typing this under the guise of copying down the tutor’s every word and comment. Behind me sits my much-used-and-abused everlast bag, still filled with random debris and detritus of last night’s dream within a dream.

It’s hard to come back down to earth, and I’m feeling incredibly unconnected and disjointed from reality now. I have trouble concentrating in class. I cannot pay attention in lectures. Something inside just feels so missing.

The soundtrack of today is tamia’s officially missing you—it’s been going through my head all day long. And frankly I can’t even type a full and proper accountof emcc, not at this point in time—I’m just so—lethargic. It’s like I actually broke up with someone or something. ARGH. I’m serious.

Guess I’ve got the blues, and I’ve got them bad.

Seriously, compared to the crazy glitz and glamour and sheer vibrancy of last night, the humdrum prosaic nature of school just-- in a word-- SUCKS. everything looks so washed out in comparison. eurgh. the world is bleaker without 9am saturdays and 11pm nights at as7. bleaker than i could imagine.

a girl could get addicted to this.

but i can't live on dreams forever, can i. sigh. ok. back to work, hi-ho, off to slavery we go.

BARGH.

proper updates when i'm in less of a grouchy mood.


yes, yes, i admit it, i was missing dance so much the first thought i had when i woke up was "i want to wear something green". haha. and see my grumble about green leggings and the complete lack of a clue as to what to pair them with was sort of resolved.

plus, the shoes had flowers. :)

ride with you
Posted at 4:45 PM

this t shirt design thing is killing me.

:(

I HAVE NO TIME.
Posted at 10:44 AM

oh and guess who's back, back again?

answer tmr, because i can't go and take a picture of said subject right now. too late.

hint: i dislike said subject, and yet find said subject strangely irresistable too. and jia ning knows or has deduced the identity of said subject.

if i say one more said i will strangle my self.

good night!
Posted at 2:12 AM

i have a bloody funny sister.

"RRARTGH DON'T HIRE ME WHY DON'T YOU I'LL EAT YOUR FACE".

omg. HAHA. i can't stop sniggering.


i realise i haven't blogged about a ton of things. like city alive hoho. and visiting xf's house and stuff.

but there's SO MUCH to do.

and also restraint to exercise (heh. jinglin knows what post/rant i'm referring to).

random notes of today's quotes:
- i freaked aidil out. majorly. i couldn't help it, i was driving.
- i should NOT play swagga like us in the car. too much attitude.
- i fetched my sisters around today! i feel virtuous.
- the shell attendant was very nice to me. even though he had to hide a smile when i couldn't find the damn lever for the oil thingy.

for all sad people-- cheer up. someone out there is thinking of you, and missing your smile. :)

(guess i'm on the upswing of my mood fluctuations)

These cynical eyes,
That read haikus with bitter
Scorn, see only lies.

2.20am Saturday 27th September 2008
Disbelieving Asano
Posted at 2:02 AM

damn damn hellfire and brimstone.

SEVENTY BUCKS :(:(:(:(

ANND i think that bloody tailgating taxi which made me speed up also meant that I got caught by the speed trap for going at 80 in a 70 zone. which is such a pathetic thing to be caught for, when you consider my madcap morning dashes to school.

then again who says i got off for those? AHHHHHHHH.

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN.

*screams*
Posted at 2:16 PM

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy
Posted at 6:00 PM