music: crush by mandy moore
why? it's playing on mtv. hahhaa.

first day of work. good gods. my heels still hurt. WHY do i have to wear heels that are 1inch to 2.5 inches high when no one sees them anyway when i'm standing behind the booth? or when my pants hide them anyway??

eurgh. 12 hours (ok, 1h 50 mins of break) of standing and smiling and answering effing retarded questions. good fucking god, please don';t treat me like i've an iq of 75. it's not my fault you don't understand what the hell an emulsion is, don't talk slower to me.

ah. a job where i wear more makeup than clothes, and burn 700 calories just by smiling. hahaha. oh well there are cute boys.

and shopping galore. i'm spending more than i earn, damnit. i mean, ninewest for 55? who can pass??

i'm gg to borrow my mum's atm tmr since i blocked mine after my wallet got stolen. the miscreant mailed me back my cards, though. thanks for that much anyway. although i really did like my wallet haiz. sorry xf, ni, ning, abby :(:(

i haven't bloggred about tons of things that happened during my bday week but because i need to go to sleep and wake early to put on more makeup yucks i need to disappear right about now. haiz. off to read guenevere! :):)

make room for me it's too soon to see
if i'm happy in your hands
i'm unusually hard to hold on to
Posted at 1:29 AM

it's a typical love story
we started out as friends
we met way back when
this is just a typical love story
the boy you never wanted just steals your heart
i never saw it coming till i fell so hard


late nights much anyone? hohoho. my brother took one look at my face today and asked me if somebody'd punched me in the eyes. i don't know why i'm sleeping so late either. i mean, ok, slpover night with ni was explicable, but yesterday/this morning was so not i only got to sleep at 5am doing absolutely nothing. BLEH.

what have i been up to? ooh went out on wed (and, much to the seeming eternal surprise of everyone, i did not go mambo. why do ppl keep thinking i'm some havoc girl i'm like how guai can haha) and caught something like the last train home and got shelled at by my mum cos i elected to take a walk into the irresistible seduction of that incredibly cool night redolent still with rain instead of calling them to give me a ride in (i mean, hello. it was night. it wasn't that long a walk. how could i resist?). PLUS, it'd have been horrible to generate even more lousy fumes into the atmosphere. just look at the weather bleh.

what else did i do? right. that day i went out to meet hw and haha that's what in part triggered the above lyrics-musing. i swear everyone's love story is just incredibly sweet in their own way :D:D i smiled and smiled and smiled upon hearing hers. it sounds like a complete cinema-worthy scene hohoh :D and the best part was the bulk of it was spontaneous!! how many unplanned confessions can you get in a cable-car to sentosa??? :D

haha. or by the sg river in clarke quay. or with-- how many again?-- 16 roses and 10 tulips and a box of chocolates. or by ecp, with the seabreeze in your hair. or-- ahh. you see. love stories. hohoh.

maybe i ought to stop sounding like some lovesick teenager (omg. i just realised. today is my last day as a teenager!!! god.) oh but life is good, i shouldn't complain. i'm growing out of meg cabot. have i written about this yet? i read queen of babble and was so damn turned off by it. BLEH. guess i'm really getting old. but i'm going to give her a second chance and buy another of her books when i go on my reading spree at pageone. maybe i can go today! went with hw to the kino book sale ystdy and noted down over a hundred dollars worth of books that i want. BLAH. luckily i still have vouchers for pageone; i already spent all my borders ones. that bookhunt was followed by a very long chilling session at gloria jean's-- literally chilling since we both ordered fruit chillers, not having the mind or the stomach for coffee at that hour. the carrot cake was yummy! :)

on thursday i went for driving, nearly gave my instructor a heart attack, narrowly avoided squishing a motorcyclist, and discovered that my parents'd finally bought donuts from doughnut master for me. what a treat after that driving lesson eurgh. the cappucino one was absolutely scrumptious but everything else was so sweet my teeth ached. the jules destrotters biscuits someone'd given my dad were however sweet in a goood way :D thereafter i went off to sign my contract at shaw and then went to look for ni-- eeeps. over an hour late. i suck. dinner at crystal jade, then to her hall for sleepover, which was beyond fun. i've missed my babes a lot. :) oh well. sunday!

suppers outside nlb (too much yogurt, lovely sushi, stale chewy jnrs and takopachi), love stories, laughter, love, friends. life is very very very good now :)

i can't understand why people are bored, or why they are sick of the hols. they aren't even remotely long enough for me i've got a million things that i want to do! ahhh. NOT ENOUGH TIME.

i LOVE my life. :D

anyway before i degenerate into some giggling bimbo... here are two poems! haha. to show that i still have some scrap of rudimentary literariness left in me. suddenly i just wanted to know if this line in my head actually came from a poem-- "i want you and you are not here"-- and i googled it. came up with the two following poems. strange, the similarities. beautiful, the poetry. :)
_______________________________________________

Miles Away
by Carol Ann Duffy

I want you and you are not here. I pause
in this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.

Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,
into memory. The stars are filming us for no one.



The Moon Watches
Nicola Beckett (http://www.writeoutloud.net/poets/nicolabeckett)
.........................................

I want you and you are not here.
I pause,
the water trickling between my fingers.
Dishes left uncared for.
I picture you stood here.
Grasp onto your memory, before it too seeps away.

You’re smiling again.
fixing me with the look you always do.

The one that says I am wrong,
that I should carry on.
The moon watches us together,
dancing on the dusty floor.
The colour of our memory everywhere.
It’s light photographs us.
Always together,
always apart.
Posted at 1:21 PM

they did it they did it they did it they did it.

MY DAD BOUGHT (ME) A HYUNDAI TUSCANI!!!

Right. i so wish. hohohoh.

but he DID buy it. and i'm apparently allowed to take it out for walks (hahaha in a manner of speaking) once i get my damnable license. to a girl who was threatened with a cherry-red chery qq not 24 hours ago the tuscani is a GODSEND, hyundai or no. mwahahaha.

oh yes the baby is so mine :D

and the way they broke it to me was like how funny la. haha. after my lancome trng mum and dad met me at far east and went down to the carpark and started wandering around and i was like "so who drove?which car are we looking for?" and my dad said "mne". so i started looking for white mercs and then as i was eyeing this one in the corner my dad, who had all along been fiddling with his keys, suddenly pressed the remote and this car beside me went "beep beep".

i looked at it and was just about to comment "hey someone just unlocked his car at the same time as you" and then SUDDENLY i realised that my mum was walking towards it giggling-- I SWEAR, GIGGLING-- and my dad was chortling too.

beasts. hahaha. mum said they'd gotten it cos my sibs and i'd been so impressed with it-- screaming "cool cool cool" the first time we rode in a tuscani haha.

(don't tell them in the end i actually totally preferred the celica. whoops)

so today was an interesting day. i had my lancome trng thingy from 9.30am (UNGODLY HOUR) till 6, whereupon i found out that this is what i'm supposed to wear to work;--
black three-quarter sleeve shirt (which i don;t have, and hence have to buy)
black pants (as above)
covered black shoes with heels of between 1" and 2.5" (ditto)
french manicure (or at least buffed nails)
liquid foundation
concealer
bronzer+highlighter (if required, for contouring)
mascara
eyeliner
eyeshadow
lipliner
lipstick/lipgloss
blusher

in more or less that order.

i hope to goodness i don't have too many morning shifts. GAH. at least i got free samples hohoho (for the cheaper things of course, they weren't going to give me the 400-dollar-a-pop secret de vie now were they).

went shopping with victoria and elena-- my trng mates-- for shoes and a jacket, but i failed to buy any. nvm. gg to meet hw tmr i shall go earlier and shop at bugis.

mum and dad returned with a purchase of jpg's latest summer collection and i looked at mum's display cabinet today to realise that she has a heck lot of perfumes. she needs a new case. oh and she got me the fragrance i wanted! joy :D mucho thanks to aunt chris!

on a separate note met up with the freak, chus, janet and becca and-- siyan? sinyan?-- on monday for a supposed-surprise-bday-dinner for felki haha. um. the surprise was probably that anyone turned up at all hohoho :P bt it was fun! although we discovered that vilage'd closed down and pastamania sucks as badly as ever haha my fusilli tasted like shaped starch.

alright my lappy is running out of batt. oh joy too i got new speakers! now to buy my player! and i want carol ann duffy's rapture too. i shall hunt for the book in pageone :):)

and yay thurs i'm gg to annoy ni! :):):)

great eastern: life is great :D

baby if you strip you could get a tip cos i like you just the way you are
Posted at 1:10 AM

He would have told her-- he would have said, it matters not if you are here, or there, for I see you before me every moment. I see you in the light on the water, in the swaying of the young trees in the spring wind. I see you in the shadows of the great oaks, I hear your voice in the cry of the owl at night. You are the blood in my veins, and the beating of my heart. You are my first waking thought, and my last sigh before sleeping. You are-- you are bone of my bone, and breath of my breath.
-- Daughter of the Forest, Juliet Marillier

i'm on my 7th book since thursday night (which is kind of slow-- by friday morning, at about 3am i was already on my third anyway so well you can see that i've obviously not been as assiduous in reading as i should have been hoho), and the above quote was pretty much the best one of the lot. it's a retelling of the swans thingum-- that fairytale? where this young princess' evil stepmother turns her six brothers into swans and she has to keep silent till she weaves six shirts of thorn for them, to break the enchantment? this was nothing as neat as that fairytale-- for them, there is a happy ending only of the smallest kind, of a sort i perhaps would not wish for. perhaps i'd have asked rather for an unhappy ending, or a premature one, or-- oh well.

no one ever said life-- or even fairytales-- were like fairytales, to begin with. not the way disney spins them, no. but it's a good book anyway.

____________________________________________________________________

to whom it may concern
(specifically the bastard retard poor sad misguided soul who took my bag at smu):

Hi. you don't know me, i don't know you, but i believe you've got something that rather belongs to me. yes, that, that lovely gray ck tote that allowed me to cram everything from speakers to clothes to tons of books all the way from jc till now. i kind of really liked that bag, you know. couldn't you have taken a look through it before taking it, to realise that there was nothing in there really worth taking?

i feel kind of sorry for you, you retard poor sad misguided soul. because on your path of wrongdoing you have gained but little, haven't you. let's see now. you took my laptop charger. incidentally without a laptop that thing is useless to you, but maybe you knew that already. oh, you didn't? well i'm glad i'm enlightening you. please don't try and plug it into your ass oven.

you took my bag. the last i checked that was a tote that despite its utilitarian looking nature was also strictly and mostly feminine, so it can't be much use to you, can it now. inside the bag, you took my legal theory notebook; somehow i don't think the writings of rawls, finnis and dworkin are going to be very much use to you, except where the harm principle and what society does to its criminals are concerned. that is, if your stoned dickhead perhaps not very capacious intellect can comprehend it.

you also took my organiser, which is more than half-filled with my lousy handwriting. which means it's pretty much useless to you as a notebook as well. it's-- let's see-- filled with meal plans, resolutions, random diary scratchings, my admonitions to self to run/cycle/do situps and oh yes, all my lawr ravings. i feel kind of sorry for you. you have to read my lousy poetry too.

you took my brand-new sara bareilles cd-----case. in case you didn't know either, usually the cd cases aren't what people buy music for, it's the disc itself. which was incidentally in my laptop which incidentally i'd had the presence of mind to take with me when i left the bench. you also took my player but failed to see the earphones on the table. hmms. incidentally-- oh look, another incident-- my player is a creative. which basically means that you can't charge it unless you've got the installation disc. so it's going to run for another 15 hours and die. but look, i was considerate, at least i fully charged it before leaving the table.

you also took my makeup bag, you fcked up perverted tranny poor sad misguided soul uncertain of your own sexuality. i feel for you, i really do, but did you really have to take my brand new body shop lip shimmer and canmake eyeliner and face shop mascara? i'm sure they're really not your colour anyway, and they're really more meant for stage makeup, but i wish you well with the mascara-- it's going to give you lots of volume on your lashes and i hope you poke yourself in the eye with it you bastard.

i hope you learn a lesson though. not to take random people's things, that is, until you check inside the bag. now if you would kindly return them to the smu scc, having realised that everything inside is pretty much of bloody no use to your sick twisted little mind, i would be eternally grateful get real, buster.

yours truly
me.
__________________________________________________________________________

it's ok, i'm not pissed off or anything. in fact, like i said-- i panicked for one minute and then sat down and started laughing because the whole situation was so ludicrous. basically when i went to study at smu after nette left i left my bag along with my charger and contract notes on the bench and took my laptop and wallet with me when i went to buy food. came back abt 10 mins or so later to find bag and charger gone. haiz. the thing is i was pretty much zen-ish (even though i'd lost my zen. haha. get it? get it??) because at least he hadn't taken my contract notes, and my legal theory exam was over, and it was really my fault for leaving my things there. oh and at that point i didn't yet know that a packard bell charger would cost 210 bucks, or fully acknowledged the prospect of spendng weeks without a player plugged into my system at all hours of the day. or without the fine-tipped points of my highlighters, or how much i'd have to spend to replace all the things in my makeup bag-- and haiz all the sentimental value things in there la. damn i loved that bag. and the myuk pouch i used for storing all those random things.

bastard. :(

but in a way i also wasn't horribly mad because as i was walking to buy food i'd passed this old woman lying full-length out on a step beneath one of the lovely trees of smu. her suitcase and a couple of plastic bags were at her head, and her lined face looked very tired. as i calmed down after returning to find my things gone i couldn't help but think how lucky i was, even with all those things gone, because take as that light-fingered unknown might, i was still me, still whole, and fittingly everything he'd taken were shells and utterly materialistic-- from the unchargeable player to the empty cd case to the laptopchargerwithoutthelaptop.

i'm telling you, there's some symbolic significance in that. hoho.

but hell it's heck inconvenient la. :(

and i want my lousy poetry back. BOO.

see. no song quotes today, because i haven't heard a decent song in how damn long. tht's it i'm gg to buy a player like-- soon. tmr. the day after. HAIZ. the bloody cowon d2 is 389 bucks. bleh.
Posted at 11:55 PM

bleh. i just realised--

marcus is halfway off to melb (where darling xf is hahah random), teri and krys are going to fly on sunday, nette starts work on monday. ning is happily working, ni is happily studying, abby is in europe living it up. i am going to be so sadly friendless. my circle has suddenly shrunk immensely.

nvm. haha. i want my sleepover crash! and mon's feast! and my pubco gathering! and i need that piece of glass out of my palm, damnit. hahaha

plus a job. so i can buy gta4. if only to shut up my brother. or to get a player. so that i can't hear my brother. hoo boy.
Posted at 2:59 AM

last day of school and all the shots i managed to capture are there. SHEESH. you'd have thought i'd use my camera a little bit more considering i went to all the trouble of charging it the night before. blah.

oh well. the exams ended. such joy.

i don't sound excited do i. haha.hms maybe it's kind of cos-- ok la.

rarr.

this is what happened during my last crim seminar-- a sort of revision thingy.

don't know if you can see it, but maybe just click on it and it'll get bigger or something.

anyway in three weeks' time he's going to go to the himalayas to scatter his wife's ashes, because that is a place that they both loved.

and so as we finished our crim exam, i was totally ready to cheer with joy. but watching him climb slowly up the steps as he collected our papers, as he turned to walk down-- so slight, so frail a man bearing the burden of such great loss, yet imprinted with a glow of untouchable love-- love that would never be tainted by death alone.

gods. that is love.

so that put me in a slightly melancholy mood as i left to put my stuff down and return my library book, which explains the first picture.

last day as year ones, dears.

after that krys samson lynette and i went to waraku, whereupon nette's very nice mum (can i call her auntie esther like krys too *grins*) paid for our food! oh man after that we were like oops. oh crap. haha :) nette if you';re reading this thank your mum for us again :D

waraku's desserts and salads are yummy. :)

after that krys and i walked around a bit, getting a sniff of ck's latest euphoria (which smells exactly like my st ives' shower foam-- i kid you not), meeting mel and nich, bumping into caryn mabel and pam before finally deciding to go to the national library to get our reading fixes. of course er we had a lot of detours-- rather expensive detours (actually no i swear they were good buys now if only we didn';t buy matching outfits)-- before we finally wound up in the lib. my mum laughed her head off when she called and realised i was curled up in an armchair my toes crinkled under my jeans overdosing on my favourite drug-- in the LIBRARY instead of like at pump room or zouk or something. i swear, i even brought a change of clothes and i was all ready to go. but i ultimately couldn't resist the temptation. i mean. i had a BOOK in my hand, and the world at my feet. could i budge? i even forgot about dinner haha. :P

anyway i wasn't the only loser there la i met caleb and yen ping etc. haha :D

so. i've got all my resolutions worked out and that means i have a few more things to do today before i can end. therefore i shall go offline and not blog until i can rmb things that i actually want to blog about hoho. right-o.
Posted at 12:46 AM