after the end of legal theory (at long last. i was feeling rather bleak because i just screwed up majorly for pretty much one of the only subjects i actually understood and enjoyed and MOST IMPORTANTLY could stand) nette krys and i ignored the lure of free b&j cones and opted instead for the rich warmth of gelare waffles. we have concluded that waffles ought to be eaten without ice-cream because otherwise they're too sweet and they give me bloody sugar headaches. i want waffles again :(
sat there and crapped for 3 hours before we even got remotely close to taking out our notes to study (whereupon krys left. haha). welll... there were just so many things that were so much more tantalising. after the decadent deliciousness of waffles there were the angsty songs to sing along to. then there was the chatter :) and of course they had the carls jnr fries. AND THEN there were the people-- denise and wen yi etc appeared halfway (they'd given up on b&js too), and then i met shasha and alex while we were sitting there mugging and also saw rebecca AND and and we saw cheng zhicai and what'shername-- forgot. some mediacorp actress. haiz you tell me how to study like that.
wandered around later because i wanted onion rings and we walked all the way to forum where i finally found the california pizza kitchen i read about; it didn't even look midway like a likely study spot so we resolved to go there next time for dinner or something. we also encountered the horror that was the far east shopping centre or whatever it was-- the one next to wheelock-- that abetted our quick escape by the sheer instigation of the horrible vibes it was emanating. finally we wound up in liat towers' bk where we ate onion rings and bounced about before i settled down with a tall bottle of jasmine green tea (cheat money one lor. it's very slim so that they can save liquid) to mug after nette left.
when i finished i walked out into a night in town realms removed from the chilly plastic interior of the burger king that provided such insulation against reality. on the way home i realised all over again why i hate train rides so much-- there is no privacy, no personal space. i hate the cold impersonality of the whiteness and brightness of the trains, i cannot stand the squash of people, i dislike the stares, i fret about the way the train is such an enclosed space.
i have loved the night too long to be afraid of the darkness, and this light-- this bright whiteness, this stark impersonality of plastic and falsely-cherubic happy-housing of those damn chairs-- this moving tubal clinic of city souls-- is not something i can stand.
and maybe because everytime i pass that one particular station for some reason my spirits dip. but yesterday they sank, and my nonchalant face drew itself into a frown and for some reason i felt that ache, that gaping hole where you were.
how many dark nights did you go through on your own?
at gelare we said that we were afraid that we would never feel again; that maybe ebing emo was also the time when most of us felt most alive because everything mattered and meant something.
forgive me.
don't blame me for holding on to you;
you're the only thing that feels real anymore.
don't blame me for thinking about you.
there's not much left worth fighting for.
i walked home in the darkness, revelling in the coolness of the night and its all-embracing presence. and in that darkness it felt like you were walking with me.
too much studying, yeah. crim and contract. HAIZ. pocky craving like MAD.
so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
where we're gonna be when we turn 25