you've got to find happiness in the littlest things, sometimes.

the fact that although your shoes are killing you, at least the heel bits didn't come off again. the fact that although you messed up memo, at least you did it and handed it up, and that you feel extremely extremely loved because you have friends who would haul their asses halfway across the world just to deal with your screwed up formatting because you can't open a word document to add your word count because your laptop screws up word docs. This, even while they're dealing with a mess of nonsense from projects.

the fact that although recess week is so short, at least it's going to be filled with things to do and people to meet. the fact that your player plays the right songs to make you feel like dancing, and singing along. the dream that someday the line "i never really knew that she could dance like this" could apply to you. the fact that your parents are willing to drive you all the way to bencoolen to hunt for a packet of brown rice. the fact that the shop actually STILL has rice despite it being such a late hour.

the fact that even though your disastrous attempt at cooking an english style breakfast resulted in a new colour code for the sauce pans (next time, yvonne, add the damn oil, already), it was still largely palatable. even appetising. the salad your aunt prepares for you. the fast-healing bruises-- never mind their appalling colour-- from ankle to thigh. finding your caper cat and neko chan autograph books from pri and sec sch. grooming your dog and fluffing his silky ears-- and being appalled by the fact that he's got fleas, AGAIN. talking to your sister about nothing and everything at all. the music the wind makes with the lone belt buckle dangling from the bathroom rack. albert camus' plague. the promise of a piping hot oatmeal breakfast. jasper fforde's new series. a crazy msn convo with suspicious people (ok, a person) that involved er... a webcam and leg. hahaha :P and the fact that said suspicious person is coming back in july instead of december!

the sunshine on your skin, the wind messing your hair. the prospect of a seaside sojourn, a soaring serenade, a serendipitous siesta. the knowledge that there are little things you can be happy about, and that happiness is a choice you alone make, not something that depends on someone bringing it to you.

god it's good to be alive.
Posted at 12:51 AM

why am i not surprised?
Posted at 6:02 PM

ching, ching, getting paid over here.

promise to self: next week, go for senior class.

am i crazy for wanting you
baby do you think you could want me too

dance. forever like being in love with you for the first time.
Posted at 12:06 PM

this song used to annoy me for being so damn whiny. but for some reason it sounds really good to me today.

if you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today
if you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way
...

i don't want to run away but i can't take it i don't understand
if i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am
is there any way that i could stay in your arms?

cos i miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
and i breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
...


daniel bedingfield, if you're not the one. pathetic, really, but just for this moment it resounds. :)

and NO, before you misconstrue it, it has no connection with reality nor is it a reflection of my day. it's just an escapism from the lawr grind.

music, heaven for a minute.

ah well. back to my statement of facts.
Posted at 12:18 PM

i'm reading all these blogs, and everyone is just fucked up and sad.

can't we all learn to be content for once? is there nothing in life that makes you happy?

who gives a damn about all this lovesick nonsense and whether or not he's messing with your head, whether she means what she said, all this angst and anger about whether he/she cares or ever did.

for heaven's sake, dream and let it go. just breathe, and let it go.

the same way i watched you walk away. and the same way i realised hell, maybe i didn't care.

there's more to life than hesaidshesaid.

let me remember her silent grief
and her strength in the midst of this anguish
Posted at 4:52 PM

when sitting around talking, you bring up more memories of times past than anything else.

maybe it's not age. maybe it's just that those were the best times of our lives, man. haha.

so last week was the 2d outing at han's for which xf and i were horribly late. but-- well, better late than ever, and it was good to be there. haha. familiar faces much.

as for novotel-- welll. the moment ni's sharing folder finally meshes with mine and i get the pics, (hehe) there shall be a few-- say, one or two-- suitable for public consumption, maybe. hahahaha.

a house of cards in a hurricane

and... on a somewhat separate note... whenever it happened, it happened sometime during this cny holiday. so i might as well remember it.

the day i thought i'd never get through
i got over you
Posted at 1:43 PM

very very overdue post.




go jia ni! you are damn zai :):) and HAWT. haha

and you know what? haha i was actually kind of pretty much serious when i told felicia, after everything, "my gosh. you know ntu guys totally beat the nus ones in the looks department, hands down".

whoops. haha. but then again, one of my new year resolutions is to NOT judge by looks. so it doesn't matter anyway.

this is the way you left me, there's no pretending
Posted at 4:13 AM

and for once the rain on my face was just that-- rain.

no salt, no grief, just a quiet lonesome ache for the life that might have been.

you could have been sitting there with us, laughing and remembering and catching up on everything and nothing. but it no longer felt like there's a ghost of you that lingers here, anymore.

and so instead of running through the rain i walked-- fast, yes-- but still a walk. passing and remembering the bus stop where i sat and stared into the gathering evening gloom minutes after i left your wake. listening to the song-- so, so, so apt-- that had come up the moment i came within sight of that bus stop.

the same song that only nights ago had driven me to tears as i listened to it in the dead of the night. and even then-- even then they had been tears born less of a howling gap than an unplacid void, more tears for form's sake than pain.

but today-- no tears. not a single drop.

only the rain, clean and cold and utterly, utterly beautiful.

we miss you, friend.
Posted at 8:35 PM